Today was not a good day. I cried. A lot. At work, at home, in front of almost everyone I know. I am mad that I have this disease. I am so relieved to have an answer, but now I am starting to grieve for the first time in almost 5 years. All of this energy up until this point was going towards figuring out what was wrong, and now that we found it I am realizing how different my life might've been without it. I feel like I missed out on a lot the last few years, and there's nothing I can do to get those times back. I realize that there's nothing I can do to change my past - but I hope that I will be back to normal soon (I don't even remember what normal feels like!) and ready to move on.