Skip to main content

Cushing's Awareness Challenge - Day 21 - Looking in the Mirror

Just a few months ago, I would do everything in my power just to avoid mirrors.  I hated the way I looked so I figured if I didn't have to look at myself maybe I would stop thinking about it.  I even turned my full length mirror around to face the wall at my apartment, and instead used the small bathroom mirror that only reflected from my shoulders up.  

I recently saw Frank Warren of PostSecret speak.  I have always been drawn to his website each week to see if any of the postcards mirrored what I felt.  After buying a few books of his, I took pictures of postcards that I could've written, and this one inspired this post.


I don't think I ever wished to be blind, but I did dread the mirror every day.  At work, instead of looking in the bathroom mirrors, I would look at my blurred and somewhat dimmed reflection in the elevator, just to avoid the real picture of what I looked like.

Now, I am getting more comfortable, and even enjoying the way clothes fit now, but I am still terrified of losing this new, slimmer body.  I am afraid to eat too much, thinking I'll gain weight again.  I know that it won't happen overnight, but it is still terrifying to me.  I hope someday I will learn that no matter what weight or shape my body is, my friends and family don't care, and I can be comfortable and confident no matter what.  Until then, I'll just try to get used to the bathroom mirror.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Talk About the Sh*t you Don't Want to Talk About

I haven't updated this blog in a very long time.  I actually deleted a ton of posts while I was applying for social security disability. I posted about Cushing's Awareness day earlier this week on facebook, so I guess I'm in a sharing mood.

Anyway, for anyone who even reads this, I was watching a documentary on Netflix about a teenager with anorexia and mental illness who found meaning in her life through yoga. (It's called I Am Maris). It's kind of the reason for this post.

To start - let's go back to June 2018. My grandmother died.  She lived a wonderful long life, but it was especially hard on me.  She was the reason I got out of bed every day, my best friend, and so much more. I actually don't remember how I got through most of the summer.

In the span of two weeks at the end of August, my mom turned 60, we went on a family vacation to the vineyard, my best friend got married, and I wanted to kill myself.  Yeah, you read that right. The day after return…

The Challenges of Getting a Diagnosis

I have been asked about this so many times, and talk about it a lot, whenever someone asks me about Cushing's.  So many people have the same experience - KNOWING you have Cushing's, and seeing 5, 10, 20, or more doctors over the course of many years before you officially have a diagnosis.  I would say this is one of the most common links I have with other "Cushies".  We all fought for a diagnosis, heard we were just fat and depressed, waited with hope after every test, until a day came when one test came back high, or a brain MRI showed a tumor in the pituitary gland.

I think the reason I haven't written about it is because it's one of the hardest things to sit down and spend time on.  It's painful, and of course, I can't help but wonder what my life might be like today if I was diagnosed sooner.  Would I have needed an adrenalectomy?  Or for that matter, a second pituitary surgery? Would I have as many health issues after Cushing's?  It's ha…

Cushing's Awareness Challenge - Day 23 - The Diagnosis and Treatment Process of Cushing's Disease

For many people with Cushing's it takes months, years, or even decades before finally getting a diagnosis and help.  For me, it was 5 years from when I thought I had Cushing's until my endocrinologist told me I did indeed, have Cushing's Disease.

Once you read about Cushing's and think it sounds just like you, here's what you will have to do to get rid of the excess ACTH or Cortisol source

1. Find a reputable endocrinologist that other people with Cushing's have had good luck with.  You can find a list on Cushing's Help HERE.  You can also ask someone that has been diagnosed on the Cushing's Help boards or on the Facebook group which doctors they see.

2. Make and appointment, and be patient!  Sometimes the endocrinologist has to do multiple tests over a period of time, and those results can take a while to come back.  Some tests to expect are 24 hr urine free cortisol tests, midnight salivary tests, dexamethasone suppression tests, or random/midnight se…