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Overwhelmed, Big Time

Have you ever been so overwhelmed that the only thing you can do is cry? I am now 185lbs.  30 pounds up from my lowest weight post-BLA.  I know that I have Cushing's again, and I'm in a horrible cycle of losing and gaining weight.  I am overwhelmed by this possibility, and just don't know how to handle it.  Every time I have known something's off, I knew exactly what it was, and have been right each time.  I'm doubting myself, thinking maybe it's what I'm eating, but I know it's not.  Maybe it's because I'm not exercising enough, but I never have been very active, due to my weak muscles and bones.

I am also overwhelmed by my new diagnoses of Multiple Endocrine Neoplasia type 1.  It means countless surgeries - the pamphlet I got said that one particular patient that has a foundation has had 28 surgeries including a total pancreatectomy, giving her surgical diabetes.  I already have had a pituitary tumor and a parathyroid tumor, and I just want the parathyroid tumor OUT, now.  I don't think I can go through more kidney stones.

Someday, I will have pancreatic cancer.  Will they be able to catch it soon enough to operate?  Will that happen in the next few years or will I have a break from all of this before I have to climb that hill?

I am just so overwhelmed in this moment that I can't even begin to think about how to deal with all of this. On one hand, I can't believe I've gotten through all that I've already been through, so dealing with all of this is not a big deal, but on top of everything else it seems like such a big thing to deal with for the rest of my life.

On top of everything else, I'm trying to work as much as I can to somewhat support myself, complete my degree at UVM, and in some moments, trying to be a normal 20 something, having some sort of social life and maybe trying to date a little more.

Have you had a reoccurrence of Cushing's after BLA?  What about MEN-1?  How did you deal with these diseases and stay positive? Positive seems like it's very far away right now.

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