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31

This weekend I will 31.  Every year on my birthday, I have the thought, wow, I made it to this age. There was a time where I didn't think I would get to be 31.

I know that sounds dramatic, but with Cushing's Disease, multiple major surgeries, you know the rest, I have had multiple times where I didn't think I would, or didn't want to, live through it.

My life is far from perfect now.  I am not working.  I was denied disability again. I wonder what I'm doing with my life, how will I ever make a difference in this world. What is my purpose? Why am I here, still, today?

But there are always things that are great.  I live for Huck, I live for my family, I live for the hope of a better day, a day without illness.  Right now, I'm living for planning a family vacation next summer.  Or a trip to MV this summer.  Or dinner with friends Saturday night.

It is sometimes too easy to give up. Feeling like I can't do this for another day.  I can't wake up in pain again, or lay awake another night. I can't drive to the hospital again.  I just CAN NOT.  But I think of the reasons why I keep going, and it gets me through another day.

I hate to be so depressing on my birthday, but this is what is real.  Sometimes, what you see on someone's blog, or on social media, isn't telling the whole story.  EVERY SINGLE PERSON on this earth struggles.


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